Rebirth or revinvention.

So since shaving my first mohawk in a couple of months ago I have begun a rather impromptu journey into rediscovering and redefining myself. The hawk came in, the looks started. Then I had some more piercings done - tongue, both nipples and clitoral hood. Now tonight I am having my third tatto done.

Now on the surface this looks alot like me re-discovering my youth, going back to my punk-goth chick roots. However with age and confidence I have gone a step further than I ever did in my teens and twenties. Back then I was the quiet rebel, nothing I did with appearance couldn't be masked so that I could blend again with the mainstream. During my late twenties and early thirties my desire to be a good mother led me to try and fit in as much as possible. Not be the mom in the playground the caused all the eyebrows to rise and children to titter. However with increasing frustration I have realised that I am only ever truly comfortable with those members of society who reside left of center. Who truly take life as it comes, have no stored up hate for class, religion, sex, colour or fetish (of course with the exclusion of those into paedophillia or co-erced non-consensual sex). So I shaved in my hawk, it was a great big "warning, I may very well not be like you so read the label before you open your mouth". I am not a racist, have no issue with travellers, my brother is gay, and I am a devout atheist. So really, first do no harm and we will all be ok.

The piercings were as much a present to my lover as to myself, but also a right of womanhood. I now own my body in a very striking way. Some will understand and others will never. That is the way of the world. Finally in June I changed my name from Joanne to Scarlet. I discarded the name assigned to me at birth, a name with so much negativity and self loathing attached to it that it had become a weight around my soul. I chose a name I had used for many years in multiple online settings and one that I felt affinity to. I did admittedly speak with my mother first as I would not wish to cause her pain in the last few years of her life and if my name change would have upset her then I would have waited another a few years. Does that make me less of a rebel or just a caring daughter?

My message to my children is own yourself, love what you are and be proud of your choices - all of them. Every statement you make about yourself should be full of self belief, and never ever be afraid to set your own drum beat.